Quirky Qualification Lover Gifts

'I'm not sure that mentioning your diploma in 'Monkey Business' really helps your resume...'

'It says here you can talk trash in five languages.'

"I love you, you big fool."

"You know the stories about putting a pair of socks into the washing machine and getting out just one of them...Jones, it seems that we found the hideaway of the second socks!"

Football Crazy strip six

"Rob is a functioning train wreck."

'You and Phil make a great couple. You're perfect for each other!'

"I'm gona level with you, Judith, I've spent some time in the pen."

"I'll kill you if you crack your knuckles again."

'Oh Gloria, I love you with all my heart, part of my liver and most of my lower intestine.'

"Sometimes Ben does very dumb things. I love that in him."

'What's wrong with you?'

"...and I'm proficient in two languages ? English and text messaging."

'It's just possible that the best candidate is the one who wins the Spoon Race.'

'This is Liam, Dad, one of the few people with a degree in both tree hugging and extreme cartwheeling.'

'Cannibalism has always repulsed me - until i tasted Aunty Judy's knees'

"You're not giving me the job because I'm 'over qualified'? Oh, don't worry, most of those qualifications have been falsified."

Frankie and Johnny were lovers...

Hit a duck, win a prize.

"Your being boring, stuffy and predictable is part of your charm."

'It's yet another customer survey asking about our last oil change. Was it poor, fair, very good, blissful or orgasmic?'

"I can't help you with your chronic whistling. You don't need a psychiatrist, you need a musicologist!"

"This part of space feels especially weird right now."

100m Flies Race: Entomological Olympiad.

Annual Lump Festival Competition:'I don't know if I can give an award, they're all so fantastic..'

"You must be a computer geek, because I've never had anyone ask me to accept their 'Terms of Use' before a date."

Miss Lonelyhearts Advice to the Lovelorn

Qualifications

"Well of course it's unintelligible. I'm an English professor!"

"For goodness sake, Wilf, trim your eyebrows -- they think you're one of them!"

"The inspector's not getting older. He's getting odder."

Strange Wrestling

Circus News

'Of course you can stay the night-what d'you fancy-on top or underneath?'

Does this restaurant allow substitutions? Menu. If we did, do you think you'd be sitting here right now?