Quirky Presenter Pillows

"When we said to be creative with your grant proposal presentation, this is not what was meant."

"How do I turn off my camera so no one stares?"

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

"Did you sleep awkwardly again?"

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

'Okay, is there anybody else whose homework ate their dog?'

Dinner at the Trapdoors

Anna Calvi

A tortoise toboggans down a hill in its shell

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

'He's a superior breed - He always drinks thru' a straw!'

"Walk, hell- I gotta dance."

'But you know I don't have brand loyalty for anyone but you!'

"I don't know what else we can do. He won't look up from the screen!"

"Go ahead. Press one for more options."

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

Glance Exchange

"Do you see that inexplicably beautiful hydrangea over there?… Nature calls."

'He's maturing early.'

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

"She likes to be included, so I told her the tea is called 'Squirrel Grey.'"

"Sorry lad, ye can't be having' me pot o' toilet paper."

"Someone throw him a punchline!"

While old, sick, and weak animals remained targets, the lions most enjoyed culling the herd of its sarcastic teenagers.

"To be honest, I don't mind the cold, and being an introvert, and slightly antisocial, I really treasure the quiet time when the others have flown south..."

"He's actually my co-counsel, but you may scratch his head."

Optimist

"How about a hand."

"It's just a tree."

Competitive Eating Competition Competitive Vomiting Competition,

STRIP God' s dog urinating on planet Earth

"As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from restless dreams, transformed into a monstrous vermin, he thought to himself: never again bourbon and tequila in the same night, and this time, I mean it."

"I want to be a more interesting person. Think maybe watching old black and white movies would do it?"