Quirky Entertainers Pillows

"Why did we even buy a sofa if we never use it?"

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

'Okay, is there anybody else whose homework ate their dog?'

A tortoise toboggans down a hill in its shell

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

'He's a superior breed - He always drinks thru' a straw!'

"Walk, hell- I gotta dance."

'But you know I don't have brand loyalty for anyone but you!'

"Go ahead. Press one for more options."

"I don't know what else we can do. He won't look up from the screen!"

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

"Someone throw him a punchline!"

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

Glance Exchange

"Do you see that inexplicably beautiful hydrangea over there?… Nature calls."

'He's maturing early.'

"She likes to be included, so I told her the tea is called 'Squirrel Grey.'"

Optimist

"As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from restless dreams, transformed into a monstrous vermin, he thought to himself: never again bourbon and tequila in the same night, and this time, I mean it."

STRIP God' s dog urinating on planet Earth

"How about a hand."

Competitive Eating Competition Competitive Vomiting Competition,

"It's just a tree."

'This is a wind-up, isn't it?'

'He's normally not affectionate, but he's really taken a liking to you!'

"I cross the road to forget."

'The Lemming Book Store'

'You can't come in here with that.'

Self Help / Elf Help.

Spiro & Pusho illusionists

'We have a P-O-P display for our new perfume. Can we move the beef jerky down a smidge?'