Quirky Hosts Pillows

'I hope you'll excuse the pajamas. They save time when people leave.'

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

'Okay, is there anybody else whose homework ate their dog?'

Dinner at the Trapdoors

A tortoise toboggans down a hill in its shell

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

'He's a superior breed - He always drinks thru' a straw!'

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

"Walk, hell- I gotta dance."

"I don't know what else we can do. He won't look up from the screen!"

'But you know I don't have brand loyalty for anyone but you!'

"Go ahead. Press one for more options."

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

"Do you see that inexplicably beautiful hydrangea over there?… Nature calls."

'He's maturing early.'

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

"Someone throw him a punchline!"

Glance Exchange

"She likes to be included, so I told her the tea is called 'Squirrel Grey.'"

Optimist

"As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from restless dreams, transformed into a monstrous vermin, he thought to himself: never again bourbon and tequila in the same night, and this time, I mean it."

"How about a hand."

Competitive Eating Competition Competitive Vomiting Competition,

STRIP God' s dog urinating on planet Earth

"It's just a tree."

'This is a wind-up, isn't it?'

Self Help / Elf Help.

Pinata Trophies

'He's normally not affectionate, but he's really taken a liking to you!'

"I cross the road to forget."

'The Lemming Book Store'

Spiro & Pusho illusionists

'You can't come in here with that.'

'How can he be depressed when all he eats are Happy Meals?'