Quirky Hosts Pillows

'I hope you'll excuse the pajamas. They save time when people leave.'

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

'Okay, is there anybody else whose homework ate their dog?'

Dinner at the Trapdoors

A tortoise toboggans down a hill in its shell

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

'He's a superior breed - He always drinks thru' a straw!'

"Walk, hell- I gotta dance."

'But you know I don't have brand loyalty for anyone but you!'

"Go ahead. Press one for more options."

"I don't know what else we can do. He won't look up from the screen!"

"Do you see that inexplicably beautiful hydrangea over there?… Nature calls."

"Someone throw him a punchline!"

"She likes to be included, so I told her the tea is called 'Squirrel Grey.'"

Glance Exchange

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

'He's maturing early.'

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

Optimist

Competitive Eating Competition Competitive Vomiting Competition,

"How about a hand."

"It's just a tree."

STRIP God' s dog urinating on planet Earth

"As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from restless dreams, transformed into a monstrous vermin, he thought to himself: never again bourbon and tequila in the same night, and this time, I mean it."

'This is a wind-up, isn't it?'

Pinata Trophies

'You can't come in here with that.'

Self Help / Elf Help.

"I cross the road to forget."

'The Lemming Book Store'

Spiro & Pusho illusionists

'He's normally not affectionate, but he's really taken a liking to you!'