Quirky Living Promoters Gifts

'Of course I'm having my five a day - Sex, drugs, rock and roll and the match'

"You know how it is, one minute I'm selling insurance in South Dakota and the next minute I have a hook for a hand. How about you?"

"No, ma'am. I'm not sure what the difference is between being creative or just plain weird."

You want me to be a what? A hipster. My research shows caf

Turtle Trailer Court

"That's our new church mascot."

"Shower beers? Aisle eight."

We're making progress building a staff for the palace. The king's lawyer and accountant has sealed lips, of course. Putting a big heart in the charity foundation chief, and building the gardener with a green thumb were excellent choices, Ernie. But the entertainers sill need some fixes. The jester doesn't have a funny bone. I'm nobody's fool. And you have the minstrel a tin ear! Oops.

"Hell, Mom! How's it look?!" "Holy mackerel."

"When Harold first said he identified as a balloon animal I thought it was just a phase, but here we are fifteen years later and it seems to be working."

Pest Control

Tortoise polishing his shell

Children's Book Publisher. It should be good for lots or repeat sales

Floss Street Vendor

"You might call it shoplifting officer, but I prefer to think of it as foraging."

"My doctor told me I should start working out."

Child selling cold lemonade in the winter

Kevin: King of the Social Influencers.

Boss has 'will you marry me, Ingrid?' sign and says, 'Fax this until you get a yes.'

"Your husband's laryngitis will probably last another wee but your blood pressure is nothing short of miraculous."

'...hmm ...I predict an upturn in profits this year.'

Doomsday marketing

Bird in sunglasses balancing on a stick.

'Very cool. What else can it do?'

"Let me show you my latest D.I.Y. project."

Make it look like an accident. Carpet cleaners.

"We have raccoons."

"Flood plain or not - it's buggered up the Green Belt status!"

Woman in swimsuit vacuuming the lawn.

'Slow and hurl.'

'A role model? Yes, I suppose he was. Everywhere he went, people would say 'That's Bill Fenton... You don't want to be that guy!''

So that's what they mean by the "vacuum of space"! Vvrrrrr. WHOOSH!

Van Gogh's glasses fall off again.

'Sometimes if things blow onto the canvas I just leave em there.'

"See? You don't need fancy window displays to attract attention...just get some police tape!"