Quirky Home Appreciator Gifts

"It's a prototype for the thousands of new homes we're building."

'And if you look to your left between the condos and the ABD store, you can see the ocean.'

"You've got termites. The good news is I gave them all little phones to keep their minds off doing any damage."

Newfangled contraceptions phobia: 'David, David, we're sinking! Our water bed has sprung a leak!'

Mouse real estate!

Beware of the Lawn

'I'm sorry, but there's nothing in the zoning regulations covering bad taste.'

'No, we did not order a corner unit.'

All items on the premises have been marked for identification: 'My cat sprayed everything in the house.'

'Let's take out a second mortgage and add a pizza garage.'

'Do we want this one parallel with the floor or the ceiling?'

"Yes, I appreciate that it's a converted fire station. But I still think I'd prefer stairs."

Carpet salesman, "There's a bit of tyre damage, but not so anyone would notice."

"It's got everything: northern exposure, hardwood floors, central tree."

"You rang?"

"My home insurance has dropped since I had it installed."

A botched home improvement job.

'For sale: Igloo w/attached 2 snowmobile garage.'

Homes of the font designers

'I'm sure a little baking soda will freshen it up in here.'

Home is where you hang the lights.

"Careful in the bathroom—we just had it reimagined."

'And every spring, a koi pond shows up in a corner of the basement.'

Repossessed Properties.

Junk Mail Shredder.

"Buy a bunch of these tiny houses. When you need something bigger, they're stackable!"

'For sale'

'Problems finding good, affordable housing?'

The Old Woman in the Shoe's summer home.

An Englishman's home is his sand castle.

"Are you binge watching again?"

"I decided to buy a tiny house."

"I figure I could get eighty grand for it now .... if someone wanted a treehouse."

'As you can see, this charming old property has been lovingly restored to its original condition of no electricity, and an outside loo.'