Quirky Home Appreciator Pillows

"It's a prototype for the thousands of new homes we're building."

'And if you look to your left between the condos and the ABD store, you can see the ocean.'

"You've got termites. The good news is I gave them all little phones to keep their minds off doing any damage."

Newfangled contraceptions phobia: 'David, David, we're sinking! Our water bed has sprung a leak!'

Mouse real estate!

Beware of the Lawn

'I'm sorry, but there's nothing in the zoning regulations covering bad taste.'

'No, we did not order a corner unit.'

All items on the premises have been marked for identification: 'My cat sprayed everything in the house.'

'Let's take out a second mortgage and add a pizza garage.'

Carpet salesman, "There's a bit of tyre damage, but not so anyone would notice."

"Yes, I appreciate that it's a converted fire station. But I still think I'd prefer stairs."

'Do we want this one parallel with the floor or the ceiling?'

"It's got everything: northern exposure, hardwood floors, central tree."

"My home insurance has dropped since I had it installed."

"You rang?"

'He missed a 5-foot putt for eagle last year, so he had an exact replica of the green build into the yard.'

A botched home improvement job.

'For sale: Igloo w/attached 2 snowmobile garage.'

Homes of the font designers

'I'm sure a little baking soda will freshen it up in here.'

"Careful in the bathroom—we just had it reimagined."

Home is where you hang the lights.

'And every spring, a koi pond shows up in a corner of the basement.'

Junk Mail Shredder.

Repossessed Properties.

The Old Woman in the Shoe's summer home.

'Problems finding good, affordable housing?'

'Stu and I joined the Adopt-A-Highway program.'

"Are you binge watching again?"

'For sale'

An Englishman's home is his sand castle.

"Buy a bunch of these tiny houses. When you need something bigger, they're stackable!"

"I decided to buy a tiny house."

'I'm sorry, but there's nothing in the zoning regulations covering bad taste.'