Quirky Healer Gifts

Fakir on bed of nails reads an 'Acupuncture' book.

Man taking cuckoo clock to the vet.

"Now just relax and leave everything to Doctor Jones here. He's the best there is in the entire medical field of quackupuncture."

'Cock-a-doodle-doo!' 'Cut back on the chicken soup.'

9 out of 10 doctors recommend keeping their stethoscopes in the freezer.

"If find people express themslves more freely in traffic jams."

'Dr. Federson has performed this procedure so many times, he could do it blindfolded with one hand tied behind his back. Show him, doctor.'

'I have to admit I was skeptical at first, but their hooves are magical, Magical, I say!'

Quick! 5-second rule!

"And more intriguingly, your prognosis differs depending on which search engine I use."

A Mom and Pop Operation

A Wally Yomp Psychologist...Practice limited to people who are really miffed!

'And now Patrick will tell us how music has helped him with his problems.'

Oh, oh... I detect traces of tree nuts... where's my epipen?

The Big Book of Really Hard Surgery

"9 out of 10 doctors recommend keeping their stethoscopes in the freezer."

An unlicensed acupuncturist

'Eureka! It won't cure anything, but the side effects are terrific!'

Dancing Doctor

'This is a pick 'n' mix ward - you choose your own medicine.'

"Don't think of them as fleas. Think of them as your entourage!"

"It's cooties."

"Race you to the spleen!"

'I believe one of the doctors here practices alternative medicine.'

'That's it for today. If you have any questions, ask the nurse. I can't hear a thing with these ear plugs in.'

"He certainly brings a new dimension to keyhole surgery!"

'I can't enjoy the stuff I steal because I set fire to it all.'

'I keep getting this RINGING in my ears!'

Obstetrician's office: Innies and Outies.

St Berts - Britain's first open mouth surgery in progress.

"I'm going to prescribe you four metres of bubble-wrap three times a day."

'It's a wonderful new drug...a sort of injectable garlic.'

'He's pre-med.'

"Not that one...the big one on the top shelf!"

'Everyone accuses me of being a 'control freak'.'