Quirky Doctors T-Shirts

'You're not my usual doctor.'

"My Doctor said I needed more exercise so I jogged down to the donut shop."

'You don't have a heart murmur, but your liver is muttering.'

9 out of 10 doctors recommend keeping their stethoscopes in the freezer.

"Let's just start cutting and see what happens."

'Your test results are in - and here's a first, the Lab Techs have asked to meet you.'

"Hiya, hiya, hiya, guy. I'm the bluebird of Prozac."

'Gee, Doc - couldn't you just use a rubber mallet to check my reflexes?'

Man tapping a tuning fork on another man's knee

Man with money in hand reads instructions on 'Check prostate' vending machine

"And more intriguingly, your prognosis differs depending on which search engine I use."

The Big Book of Really Hard Surgery

A Mom and Pop Operation

'Eureka! It won't cure anything, but the side effects are terrific!'

'Just relax Mr Benson. I find having background music while I perform surgery helps me focus!'

Preserved head and mobile phone.

Plastic Surgery

"Why do I always get the stupid wobbly table?"

While singing the popular song, Clay was disturbed to discover that his thigh bone wasn't connected to his hip bone, that it was, in fact, connected to nothing.

'I had a stomach ache, so I took bicarb of soda and went to bed early. Did I do the right thing?'

"He certainly brings a new dimension to keyhole surgery!"

"Please tell me you just ate a bucket of eels."

St Berts - Britain's first open mouth surgery in progress.

Surgeon with hearts on his shirt.

Sewing for Dummies.

'You have to chew your food: All this feeding-frenzy business is bad for your digestive system...'

'It's kidney stones.'

'You may be feeling unwell because of the amount of medication you're taking...I'll just see if there's something I can give you for that.'

Specialist Directory: Cardiology, Dermatology, Hematology, Leeches

"I'll swop you my liver for one of your kidneys."

'He's running a high fever.'

"His baldness was way out ofcontrol, so we had to put him into a medically induced comb-over."

"Doesn't seem to matter how carefully you put them back together you always end up with pieces left over."

"Not yet, one day I expect there will be chocolate covered statin tablets..."

"We got the results back from the post-mortem. It appears he was still alive before we started it."