Quirky Diagnosis Seekers Gifts

"With symptoms like yours, you could be the next Batman!"

"Because we dismissed his original self-diagnosis, he wants to give us his second opinion."

'Cock-a-doodle-doo!' 'Cut back on the chicken soup.'

'You don't have a heart murmur, but your liver is muttering.'

"Let's just start cutting and see what happens."

'...And my thirty-seventh symptom....'

"Hiya, hiya, hiya, guy. I'm the bluebird of Prozac."

'I checked my symptoms on the internet and I think I might be dead!'

Man tapping a tuning fork on another man's knee

'Gee, Doc - couldn't you just use a rubber mallet to check my reflexes?'

"And more intriguingly, your prognosis differs depending on which search engine I use."

'Don't worry! If your self diagnosis turns out to be correct this time, this will take care of it.'

"...and if your friends jumped off a cliff, would you jump off a cliff?"

'What seems to be the problem?' - 'I've got bubonic plague.' - 'Okay... so what symptoms do you have?' - 'Well, I feel chilly and I had a muscle cramp. They're both symptoms of plague.' - 'I hate Wikipedia.' - 'It says here that you should prescribe...'

"I'd say it's a fungal infection."

'You have a harmless but highly irritating form of nervous disorder we call D.Y.I. - Diagnosing Yourself on the Internet.'

The Big Book of Really Hard Surgery

'My patients are picking up so much medical knowledge through the media that I feel more like their consultant than their doctor.'

'Our health plan consists of an hour of free web time to self-diagnose.'

"My Doctor said I needed more exercise so I jogged down to the donut shop."

Plastic Surgery

"Your internet researched analysis of your condition and treatment is impressive,and it would be 100% on target...if you were a goat!"

'You're not my usual doctor.'

"It's the only way I can get some of my paitents to listen to me."

"Give it to me nuanced, Doc."

"Let's make a deal, doc. I'll stop diagnosing myself on the internet when you start making house calls again."

"Amazing your knowledge of the virus, if anything, I should pay you."

Quasimodo visits his doctor - "I'm afraid you have Tinnitus!"

"I'll swop you my liver for one of your kidneys."

'I couldn't diagnose this ailment on the internet, so I was forced to come to you.'

I've looked up my symptoms on the internet and I've either got swine fever,rift valley fever,bovine spongiform encelophalopathy,bluetongue or a stubbed toe!

"We got the results back from the post-mortem. It appears he was still alive before we started it."

"Looks like an advanced version of the bird flu."

"A quick internet search stopped me worrying about my aching back...."