Quirky Diagnosis Observer Gifts

"I'd say it's a fungal infection."

'I know that bird feeder is guaranteed to be squirrel-proof, but I still think they are getting in there.'

bird interprets modern art

"Yes, that's the tree with all the squirrels from yesterday. And no, I don't know where they are today."

Penguin

'Thank goodness for clumsy children: A spilt ice-cream!'

"Oh, O.K. I can sort of see it."

"Hiya, hiya, hiya, guy. I'm the bluebird of Prozac."

Quick! 5-second rule!

"De plane! De plane! De bird! De bird!...."

'Gee, Doc - couldn't you just use a rubber mallet to check my reflexes?'

Man tapping a tuning fork on another man's knee

"We understand each other and respect each other's privacy." "That cat hates me."

"And more intriguingly, your prognosis differs depending on which search engine I use."

The Big Book of Really Hard Surgery

"Flippin' eck Mandy, don't your parents ever go to bed?"

Last night I was in a seafood restaurant and I noticed that all of the sliced lemons were wering shower caps. That's so that when you squeeze the lemon, it doesn't spray your dinner companion. So I was told. My point is that as long as there ar people putting shower caps on lemons, I'm not as crazy as I thought I was.

'Well, you have people pox.'

'Let's arbitrate.'

'This is a pick 'n' mix ward - you choose your own medicine.'

Plastic Surgery

"I'm concerned... She didn't do her usual stretch-bark-rub-her-face-across-the-carpet thing after kibble."

Your insurance doesn't cover leeches, but some patients are reporting good outcomes with the escargot.

Pyramid Garden

Minimalism exhibition...

Man blowing glass. His dentures have fallen out and are in the glass bubble.

'I'm not sure which side of the Bristol Crocodile debate I come down on!'

'I keep getting this RINGING in my ears!'

"Now, now sir, you know I can't give you the injection in your 'prosthetic' arm!"

'Yeah, neighborhood crime. That's what I watch all the time 'cause our TV is broken.'

Lefty Grange, Color commentator.

"The asteroid has what looks like a small rear end on the back of it."

Damien Hirst

"Okay, your story checks out. You're not a Peeping Tom, you're just a creepy real estate appraiser."

Caution: Stuff and things next 4 miles