Quirky Conversation Gifts

'The part I like best about sex is when I light a cigarette and say next.'

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

'Why me Lord?' '...because yo have animal magnetism Noah...'

'The World will speak hip-hop tomorrow.'

"To be honest, I don't mind the cold, and being an introvert, and slightly antisocial, I really treasure the quiet time when the others have flown south..."

While old, sick, and weak animals remained targets, the lions most enjoyed culling the herd of its sarcastic teenagers.

"In hindsight, we shouldn't have had him cremated."

Bob's Marriage Advice: 'Geez, Bob. . . Now you're equating both marriage living in Florida to death?!!. . .Ah. . . so the restraining order by Disneyworld is still in effect?'

"So you're anthropomorphic too? It's a small world."

'You've got the wrong idiot, number.'

"Everything is dandy--and our intestinal biomes are joyous."

My wife's been talking to the skin I shed for over an hour.

'Look, I know it's artificial orange, but you're sick, I say, sick.'

'Modern romance'

"No, I don't think you have 'multiple personality disorder'. In fact, I don't think you have a personality at all."

Shrewsbury - pronunciation

"I'd love to go out with you. Do I have to have time to change."

"I speak Latin, you know."

"And I never kiss in the first two seconds."

"I'm thinking 'woof-woof' but I'm saying 'arf-arf'."

"I've been in the doghouse ever since I tried to get my mother-in-law hanged as a witch."

School nativity. Boy says: 'If you have been affected by any of the issues raised in this drama ...'

'Take this stick-drive and open the file 'John's Emotional Baggage'. It'll save a lot of time.'

"Tell me about yourself. Any weird genes or anything?"

"I find it disturbing when you breathe through your nose."

"The most obvious side-effect of having a chip implanted in my brain is a constant craving for onion dip."

"Is it just me, right, is it just me ...?"

You make me feel more like a veterinarian than a psychiatrist, Al. Why is that, Dr. Kapuchnik? Because you're one sick puppy.

'I see an applicant being hired!'

"Want to score some flu shots.?"

'You know me, I'm a problem solver. I listen. I flirt with understanding. I move on.'

Psychiatrist with bartending diploma

'It's not so much you having a cockroach problem - it's more along the lines of us having a human problem.'

'I just like tequila for the worm.'

People I've Met At Parties Whose Names I've Forgotten