Quirky Constitutionalist Gifts

"Consititutionally there's no bar to marriage. I'm C. of E."

"You're fired."

If you bathe a skunk in tomato juice, it will smell like a dog. A bird in the hand is better than two in your shorts. Never wear aqua after Thanksgiving. Unconventional wisdom.

Archimedes statue with a lever

Pigeon Little

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

'If, as you say, they're so evolved, why do they need to wear clothes to survive?'

Gun laws US

Archival Warfare

Reverse psychology

Supreme Court. It's either constitutional or unconstitutional - We don't use a scale of one to ten!

Liberty Chained to its Freedom

"I'm sorry, but you didn't recognize me as the Messiah when I had braces and glasses."

"Well, heck! If all you smart cookies agree, who am I to dissent?"

"The enemy of the people!"

"No, no, that’s in a bar, Mr. President — you can talk politics and religion here."

American blood

"Let's see now: All dogs have four legs. I have four legs. Therefore, I am a dog."

Yeah, well, I only failed my logic exam because I'm a Pisces and my professor's a Leo.

'All I Want For Christmas Is... my Bill of Rights!'

Pun on Excalibur - Swiss Army knife appears from the lake.

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

'A little squirt like Graubart would theorize that the Universe is contracting!'

Jeffrey's Time Machine: '...I want to go back and see what the world was like when people weren't so stupid and annoying!'

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: The Pied Piper

"I like that part about freedom of speech, but what about stupid people?"

"Can't we put in something about rich white guys don't have to pay taxes?"

American Roulette

Just What the Founders Had in Mind

"... No, when I say, 'you must let go of the past' I mean you must return that vase to the museum you took it from."

A caveman attempting to make a cart

"The Second Amendment makes no mention of guns, Your Honor – my client steadfastly maintains his constitutional right to bear Arms."

Obama's New Police State

"R.V. Lintel- Inventor of Polyroc

What can I get you, Uncle Mort? An answer. How many countries are we at war with right now? One? … No wait … Two? No wait … Seven? … No wait … oh yeah. The answer is none. If none of them are "declared." Then none of them count as "wars." It's in the Constitution. That's not what the Constitution means!!!