Quirky Chat Addicts Gifts

"We met through an internet chat group. Now he wants to mail me his digitalised sperm."

Woman on the phone.

'Who's a pretty boy! Is that all you've got to say?'

Boys and Girls: Differences in Internet Surfing.

"I find it disturbing when you breathe through your nose."

'I see an applicant being hired!'

"You had too many characters in your last tweet."

'Of course I can spell -- I just can't spell conventionally.'

"Going early was a good idea. So was bringing our own bottle of wine, While we're on the subject, so was the wheel."

'As a teleworker Colin sometimes struggled against feelings of isolation.'

"It's just a dinner table conversation. Must you refer to it as 'Talking Off-line'."

'Fill 'er up!'

Pete's trying to groom himself"

"Would you describe your gall as mitigated or unmitigated?"

The social isolation of the entomologist...

'Life! Give my conversation liiiife!'

"Instead of careful interpretation of the prose, maybe try pronouncing even the most basic words like an insane person?"

"Don't stare at his massive claw. . . don't stare at his massive claw. . ."

'What are you doing at the weekend?'

'Fred is a social conservative -- he believes in slow food and heavy beer.'

The Man Who Couldn't Say "When."

Bob searched far and wide for his soul mate. It looked promising, aside from the language barrier and shipping costs.

"Yes, crazy does sometimes beat sane... but rarely during a job interview."

'I hate to take a problem to bed with me, but my husband refuses to sleep alone.'

"You're not holding up your end of the conversation."

'We can mail these thank you cards now that I've forged your name.'

'I daren't take my hat off - If I do, the voices in my head might escape!'

"I still say it's a napalm tree."

'Can you play a Harp.'

'I don't think there's much more I can help you with, Mr. Krebbs...unless, of course, you want to talk about the bag thing.'

"I normally don't celebrate the end of winter, but this year I decided I hate cold weather."

Francis P. Weston 1935-2001: I'm fine, thanks. How are you?