Quirky Advice Fan T-Shirts

'Oh, no - I have to read each tentacle - that'll be extra, of course.'

"And if all else fails, wave your arms frantically."

"No, I want to know the meaning of never calling your mother."

"2 for 1 special: Clean, polish, buff, seal"

'The problem is you're a perfectionist. You don't always have to be totally evil. Sometimes it's OK to just be annoying.'

"We can work up to antidepressants, but for now I want to start you on eating a whole jar of cocktail olives over the kitchen sink."

"Do you have a family history of this condition?"

COVID tips from Wild Animals

"Okay, now this time just start chasing the squirrel instead of asking it to dance."

'...Sure, I can tell you how to prevent getting old...You can lie about your age...You can smoke...And you can drive drunk...'

Magic mushroom

"This one is really unusual. We have to remove a horseshoe from a guy's naval."

Need to celebrate? we will pour ice water on you, only $27.50!

'I'm afarid your son has all the classic elements of geekism,minus the technical expertise.'

"It's okay. I'm still ranked at the top of my class in self-esteem."

"Do not bury yourself alive if allergic to burying yourself alive."

'For best results, squeeze from the bottom.'

'The bartender referred me to a shoe shine boy, and the shoe shine boy referred me to you.'

"Dear Ask Sadie, My mom is always nagging me to clean my room. I don't see why I should have to. I like it the way it is. I don't nag at her for having a clean room, because I know that's how she likes it. How can I get her to just let me be?" "Excellent question. The thing is, it's your mother's job to shape you into a respectable person." "If you think 'being you' includes being dirty, that means you're a dirty, slovenly filth-beast..." "...who will end up alone and miserable because no liv

Have you tried drinking ?

"My name is socks. Yours?"

"Take him home, have sex...Then bite his goddamn head off."

More priceless words of encouragement from the old man.

Man on desert island asks for a lighter rather than a rescue.

"...failing is ok."

"You need to let things go."

"I've got this phobia about paying bills...."

'The rule is that you should never eat more than you can lift, and you're not allowed to use a pulley.'

"Pushing buttons with anything other than your index finger is an affectation."