Quipper Gifts

'What is the difference between ignorance and apathy?'

"I just got into a serious relationship. . . with the Southern District of New York."

"You have an anti-addiction...everyone just hates you!"

Airport

Back Down

Broad Minded

"Up here, light is neither a particle nor a wave. It's a liquid."

'That's your third bowl of gruel this week! What is this -- a feeding frenzy?'

Physics Improv. "I now vill be taking suggestions from ze audience..."

'What did the fish say when he swam into the wall?'

Sharp Eyes

Jokes machine.

Bat out of Hell

Time Table

"I've got a friend who thinks I'm Napoleon."

Backdoor

'His dad was a standup. He's a quip off the old block.'

Wise Cracker

'I think you'll find that I'm next. . .'

"We've agreed to count it as both a wave and a particle for tax purposes."

Figure of Eight

Bored Room

"Photons have mass, but their rest mass is zero."

Back Down

Strike A Balance

Man ignores DIY book and instead reads book entitled: 'Get someone else to do it'.

"In my defense it is an exit and the line was really long..."

Carrying burdens - Ghetto blaster

Bit on the Side

Turn Coat

"Freudian Slip"

Waste Not

Kitty Litter

"We'd like to begin by boarding all passengers who feel impatient."

"Touché, Roy. A snappy riposte will be winging its way to you as soon as possible."