Quipster Gifts

'I suggest you let it breathe for a few minutes!'

"Touché, Roy. A snappy riposte will be winging its way to you as soon as possible."

Baseball player: 'I'll let my bat do my talking!' BAT: '...I have nothing to say'

Spear Head

"Do me next."

"I'll have a cup of coffee, and would you mind removing that ridiculous painting and turning off the Wilco?"

'Did you watch the horror movie?'

'That's your third bowl of gruel this week! What is this -- a feeding frenzy?'

"All dishes marked with an asterisk are served with sarcasm. . ."

'Is the water cold?'

The world's first exploding cricket box...

Dick's hobby of collecting manhole covers kept him out of trouble... except of the hernias.

"Yo, how's it swinging?"

Airport

Jokes machine.

Ski kicker.

'I'm looking for a toothpaste that combats Tokyo, Kansas city and Suburban Portland along the gum line.'

Gym: Back and Forth or Going Nowhere.

'You've got to admit, Harvey, the barbecue sauce is REALLY hot down here!'

"I love blue Martinis. It's like the fifties and the nineties all mixed up together."

"No this is timeless classic menswear appreciation. Hipster beatnik is Tuesday nights."

Bat out of Hell

"I'm catching up on my inertia."

The Quantum Mechanic...

Backdoor

"I've got a friend who thinks I'm Napoleon."

"Mind if we go through the Park? There's this ailing ginkgo tree I want to check on."

Broad Minded

'...and ski conditions will be excellent on city streets today.'

'Mr. Simmons, we've been asked by the entire world to make you wear these.'

"It's not just you. Neutrinos are going right through everybody."

"If Foucault's Pendulum is correct - 15 degrees per sidereal hour times the side of the latitude - then I'm an hour late for lunch."

The Staff Meeting.

'Actually I started out in quantum mechanics, but somewhere along the way I took a wrong turn.'

'What is the difference between ignorance and apathy?'