Quip Connoisseur Gifts

'I lost my gum shield!' 'Not to worry. He seems to be concentrating all his efforts around your upper torso.'

"Well, it's disappointing: Young Master seems to use the term 'best friend' for anybody who pays him the slightest attention..."

Atlas with the earth, says: 'So then I thought, Why not just roll the damn thing?'

'The bigger they are... The harder they hit!'

Aromatherapy for Men

S**t Threw a Goose

"Aye, now that I'm retired, the can opener seemed more practical."

Man frozen in portrait pose.

'Climbing up a chair to take a bag of potato crisps out of the cupboard five times a day does nor count as exercise, sir!'

Satis Factory Tour

Moliere

"Thank you, gentlemen, and may the best networked man win."

"Just one question...how on earth do I get down?!"

Charles Dickens.

" . . . and white, not yellow. Block, not shredded. Aged, but not too aged that it doesn't slice well."

"They must be having a two-for-one promotion tonight."

"I was really impressed by the way you sent back the wine, though it did come in second to the waiter's uppercut."

Bleak House

Man sleeping with newspaper at gentlemen's club

'...and to commemorate 20 loyal years to the company, this gold plated sundial.'

The Croucho Club

"This has been a productive homework session!"

'This course is a great ego builder.'

'Actually, I was hoping for oversized with a graphite shaft'

'Your baseball card has more value than you do.'

"I gave him 'the old one two' just like you told me to. But then he gave me 'the old three four'."

'I've just woken up.' (Chip Van Winkle)

The 'I'm Almost Finished With War And Peace' Bookmark

"Please remember chips have little nutritional value."

"If there's anything we can do to make your stay more pleasant, just rant about it all over the Internet."

Sergei Rachmaninov

Boiling Oil.

When feud becomes best seller! Moby Dick vs Herman Melville!

"I'm getting earthy overtones of guilt, with just a hint of sexual frustration."