Quip Connoisseur Pillows

'I lost my gum shield!' 'Not to worry. He seems to be concentrating all his efforts around your upper torso.'

He acts all cool and feral until the can of food comes out. Jingle jingle jingle.

"Well, it's disappointing: Young Master seems to use the term 'best friend' for anybody who pays him the slightest attention..."

'The bigger they are... The harder they hit!'

Atlas with the earth, says: 'So then I thought, Why not just roll the damn thing?'

Aromatherapy for Men

Man frozen in portrait pose.

S**t Threw a Goose

'Climbing up a chair to take a bag of potato crisps out of the cupboard five times a day does nor count as exercise, sir!'

"Aye, now that I'm retired, the can opener seemed more practical."

Satis Factory Tour

Moliere

"Just one question...how on earth do I get down?!"

"They must be having a two-for-one promotion tonight."

" . . . and white, not yellow. Block, not shredded. Aged, but not too aged that it doesn't slice well."

Charles Dickens.

"Thank you, gentlemen, and may the best networked man win."

C Day Lewis.

"I was really impressed by the way you sent back the wine, though it did come in second to the waiter's uppercut."

Bleak House

'...and to commemorate 20 loyal years to the company, this gold plated sundial.'

Man sleeping with newspaper at gentlemen's club

The Croucho Club

"This has been a productive homework session!"

'This course is a great ego builder.'

'Your baseball card has more value than you do.'

'Actually, I was hoping for oversized with a graphite shaft'

The 'I'm Almost Finished With War And Peace' Bookmark

'I've just woken up.' (Chip Van Winkle)

"Please remember chips have little nutritional value."

"I gave him 'the old one two' just like you told me to. But then he gave me 'the old three four'."

"If there's anything we can do to make your stay more pleasant, just rant about it all over the Internet."

When feud becomes best seller! Moby Dick vs Herman Melville!

Sergei Rachmaninov

Boiling Oil.