Collection Connoisseur Pillows

'Your baseball card has more value than you do.'

'Things have really livened up down there since You introduced SEXUAL reproduction.'

"Too 'Book of Genesis'?"

"Are you looking to accentuate or camouflage?"

Atlas with the earth, says: 'So then I thought, Why not just roll the damn thing?'

Workout clothes: 'One size fits none.'

"I hope he's wearing pants."

S**t Threw a Goose

Man frozen in portrait pose.

Moliere

"If Marcus Aurelius himself were standing here today, I'm sure he would agree this suit reflects perfectly your stoic sensibilities."

"FYI – your camel hair blazer started it."

Bleak House

"I was really impressed by the way you sent back the wine, though it did come in second to the waiter's uppercut."

C Day Lewis.

" . . . and white, not yellow. Block, not shredded. Aged, but not too aged that it doesn't slice well."

Charles Dickens.

'I'm sorry, what were you saying? I was busy critiquing your outfit?'

A tailor measuring a jacket.

'That holds the ashes of my former business partner. He was always looking for ways to downsize.'

'...and to commemorate 20 loyal years to the company, this gold plated sundial.'

'Hoo boy, yes! B-o-o-o-ring!!'

"But now it won't stay in mint condition."

Young man standing with hands in pockets because it is the fashion at his college

"No this is timeless classic menswear appreciation. Hipster beatnik is Tuesday nights."

A lot of attention gets paid to the Earl of Sandwich, and rightfully so, but let's not forget to show some respect for that neglected Lord of Lunch, the Viscount of Potato Salad.

'How about if we choose teams based on who has the coolest stamp collection.'

'Now we come to what it would have been worth'

I'm sorry, they don't make dresses large on the inside and small on the outside!

The 'I'm Almost Finished With War And Peace' Bookmark

"It depends on what attitude you wish to convey. This, for example, is part of our 'contempt' line."

'I've got a question. If your answer is 'Yes', I'll hate you. If your answer is 'No', I'll hate you, too. The question is, do you think I need a new dress because I'm looking fat in this one?'

' I hear she was quite the collector...'

"We are looking for the non-yucky apparel."

'I can't tell you what I spent for reasons of national security.'