Ash Collection Connoisseur Pillows

'That holds the ashes of my former business partner. He was always looking for ways to downsize.'

"Too 'Book of Genesis'?"

"Are you looking to accentuate or camouflage?"

Men gossiping

"I guess when your husband dies you'll really understand what they mean by a statistical death."

Atlas with the earth, says: 'So then I thought, Why not just roll the damn thing?'

"No, no, that’s in a bar, Mr. President — you can talk politics and religion here."

Counselor. It's annoying that he always has to have the second-to-last word

Workout clothes: 'One size fits none.'

"I hope he's wearing pants."

Man frozen in portrait pose.

"Nope! He'd never set eyes on a water cooler in all his years in the office!"

"I like them. They hate the same things we do."

Moliere

"If Marcus Aurelius himself were standing here today, I'm sure he would agree this suit reflects perfectly your stoic sensibilities."

Charles Dickens.

Bookshop: Our Bestsellers - Empty Phrases

"I said, you know why women talk more than men?" "What?" "I said, you know why women talk more than men..." "What?"

Can I ask you a question, man-to-man? Sure, little buddy. What do "man-to-man talks" usually consist of? What? I've never really had one, I don't think. What usually goes into them? Sports? Shaving? Carburetors? A little of this, a little of that. There's a proper ratio, of course. I'm not good at math.

"We should probably talk about the elephant in the Roomba."

"I was really impressed by the way you sent back the wine, though it did come in second to the waiter's uppercut."

"FYI – your camel hair blazer started it."

'I'm sorry, what were you saying? I was busy critiquing your outfit?'

'Yeah, but this time she just said no -- there wasn't any hysterical laughter!'

C Day Lewis.

"Just one question...how on earth do I get down?!"

White Wine Wisdom (2)

Bleak House

A tailor measuring a jacket.

'Hoo boy, yes! B-o-o-o-ring!!'

'...and to commemorate 20 loyal years to the company, this gold plated sundial.'

"Hold that afterthought!"

'This is our real-time chat room.'

Young man standing with hands in pockets because it is the fashion at his college

'You do obscenity very well. Can you talk without being obscene as well?'