Quintessential Researcher Gifts

"We were just wondering if you were edible."

"We're bringing the arts and sciences together here by giving crayons to mice."

Need Supercomputer to finish my PhD, Please Help.

"What lead you to growing human tests in a test tube?"

"We no longer have to hide. Bigfoot hunters now only search for us online. It's going to be lonely around here."

Genetic Fingerprinting.

'Hey, it's that peeping Tom again, the one who has no respect for privacy.'

Casual Friday at the Zoo. Penguins.

"You question my methodology? Perhaps you should question your questionology."

"This is quite a surprising discovery."

'Doctor, one placebo or two with your tea?'

Great progress has been made in the science of genetic clowning.

Impartial Testing: "Eeny, meeny, money, moe..."

"Wake up. It says here I was right about that thing I said."

Barry Cryer.

'Ever since I had a disease named after me, people seem to keep their distance.'

'Are you sure Anderson is working on the Human Genome Project?'

'I'm writing my dissertation on Latte Sizes.'

'It doesn't matter that your thesis is on extra sensory perception, you can't cite mindreading in your references.'

Sleep Disorder Research.

"Sure, we need more research in alchemy, necromancy, and sorcery, but where is the money going to come from?"

The client would prefer fewer open-ended questions.

"You're research is very promising. It's just a shame you're afraid of mice"

"The great thing about studying tiny things is that no one knows what the hell you're doing."

'How gauche! Serving oyster crackers with clam chowder.'

Penguin

"This is the one - we want you to pray for this one."

You'd be surprised at the number of disruptive participants we get at these focus groups.

'Find me everything you can get on the fastest getaway cars.'

Grigori Rasputin

He dropped ten quid.

'He's a prodigy all right, but all his work deals with subjects such as the elasticity of bubble gum, the decibel limits of rock records and the molecular content of a cheeseburger.'

If you can't say anything peer reviewed about your work, don't say anything at all.'

'They want us to double check our methodology. Your turn to flip.'

String theory class