Quintessential Marketer Gifts

"OK, I admit it. Content marketing for a company that makes staples is a lot harder than I thought."

"After years of cartoon rejections, Bill stooped to trying a little shameless product placement."

'Which sounds better: 'now with MORE XZ100' or 'now with LESS XZ100'?'

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

"That's our new church mascot."

'This wasn't what I meant by viral marketing...but if you can get it to work.'

"We can succeed if our target audience is not made up of rational human beings."

Floss Street Vendor

"I've got a great idea! By adding the words "and associates" to my business name, no one will every suspect I'm really just one person with a phone and a web site working out of my bedroom!"

A potter paints a barcode on a pot.

The marketing is out there now. People all know the pizzas are prepared on the premises. So why no customers?

'Thanks to a little genetec engineering, we can merchandise these fish right on the farm.'

Sugar Fix.

"We could hire some sign-wavers to stand by the side of the road and advertise our product."

"Prospectus in not spelt P...R...O...A...G...A...N...D...A."

'It's the philosophy of the company that truth in advertising begins at home.'

'But what do you sell?'

"We were just wondering if you were edible."

'Is this the new product?' - 'Yes, a rocket filled with cornflakes.'

"Who knew we'd be a desirable demographic?"

'The incorporation of the name of Cit-Bolon-Turn the God of Healing into your logo will resonate with everyone who has even the faintest knowledge of Mayan religious nomenclature!'

'The good news is consumer confidence is up. And the REALLY good news is consumer gullibility is Way up.'

'I'm sending him out to drum up new business.'

'Unethical advertising uses falsehoods to deceive the public. Ethical advertising uses the truth to deceive the public.'

"Love's OK, but there's no money in it. For the right price, I could help people fall in love with your products."

Child selling cold lemonade in the winter

'A free goldfish with every house you buy!'

'This space could be working for you' - entrepreneurs concert.

"Monsieur Proust, we would like to discuss product placement for one of our cakes...."

"Where should we target our advertising dollars? "Hold on, I'm checking my website."

Doomsday marketing

'Great now put the company logo on the togas and make the building in back look like the Parthenon.'

'...hmm ...I predict an upturn in profits this year.'

"Let's be honest here and admit we're targeting the 'stupid-with-their-money' demographic."

The Death Star gets a marketing makeover.