Quintessential Marketer T-Shirts

"OK, I admit it. Content marketing for a company that makes staples is a lot harder than I thought."

"After years of cartoon rejections, Bill stooped to trying a little shameless product placement."

'Which sounds better: 'now with MORE XZ100' or 'now with LESS XZ100'?'

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

"That's our new church mascot."

'This wasn't what I meant by viral marketing...but if you can get it to work.'

"We can succeed if our target audience is not made up of rational human beings."

Floss Street Vendor

"I've got a great idea! By adding the words "and associates" to my business name, no one will every suspect I'm really just one person with a phone and a web site working out of my bedroom!"

The marketing is out there now. People all know the pizzas are prepared on the premises. So why no customers?

A potter paints a barcode on a pot.

'Thanks to a little genetec engineering, we can merchandise these fish right on the farm.'

Sugar Fix.

"Prospectus in not spelt P...R...O...A...G...A...N...D...A."

"We could hire some sign-wavers to stand by the side of the road and advertise our product."

'But what do you sell?'

"We were just wondering if you were edible."

'I'm sending him out to drum up new business.'

'It's the philosophy of the company that truth in advertising begins at home.'

"Who knew we'd be a desirable demographic?"

'The incorporation of the name of Cit-Bolon-Turn the God of Healing into your logo will resonate with everyone who has even the faintest knowledge of Mayan religious nomenclature!'

'The good news is consumer confidence is up. And the REALLY good news is consumer gullibility is Way up.'

'Unethical advertising uses falsehoods to deceive the public. Ethical advertising uses the truth to deceive the public.'

"Love's OK, but there's no money in it. For the right price, I could help people fall in love with your products."

Child selling cold lemonade in the winter

'A free goldfish with every house you buy!'

"Where should we target our advertising dollars? "Hold on, I'm checking my website."

'This space could be working for you' - entrepreneurs concert.

"Monsieur Proust, we would like to discuss product placement for one of our cakes...."

Sun Dried Ice Cubes

Doomsday marketing

"Let's be honest here and admit we're targeting the 'stupid-with-their-money' demographic."

"Psst! I got mantras. You need a mantra? Mantras right here..."

'Great now put the company logo on the togas and make the building in back look like the Parthenon.'

'Nobody understands you. . . do you blame them?'