Quick-pass Quipster Gifts

Josh tests his theory that by driving backward through a quick-pass toll lane, he can get money ADDED to his credit card account.

"Don't you just hate restaurants that make you feel rushed?"

Man cutting hedge next to two heads impaled on sticks. Signs beneath say 'You missed a bit' and 'You can do mine next'.

"All dishes marked with an asterisk are served with sarcasm. . ."

'Is the water cold?'

"Can you hurry up with that will? I don't have all day."

'That's nothing...I've been told my wig takes fifteen years off me.'

'What a gyp! Yesterday, after I got fixed, I put my testicles under my pillow, and all I got was a quarter!'

"I brought my worn out shoes because I heard that confession was good for the sole!"

"I'm catching up on my inertia."

Official Seal

The Quantum Mechanic...

'What I meant by 'quark' in 'Finnegans Wake' was a hypothetical particle with a fractional electric charge.

"Wife and two hernias to support!"

"If Foucault's Pendulum is correct - 15 degrees per sidereal hour times the side of the latitude - then I'm an hour late for lunch."

Two men jogging past one another trying to get as many words in as possible.

"It's not just you. Neutrinos are going right through everybody."

Death Watch

I was thinking about something more like a slogan.

Large Hadron Colliider-scope

'Actually I started out in quantum mechanics, but somewhere along the way I took a wrong turn.'

'I hope he didn't write the menu.' (Pub quizzers comment on poor grammar)

'To cure your dog I suggest you change your aftershave lotion, Mr Lutshbuddle.'

"Schrödinger's other cat"

"I'll have an entendre...make it a double."

Over. Under. Sideways. Kid.

Physicists' Convention: Quantum Leap.

'Please sir - all of them!'

Inside the Large Hadron Collider

'I got 50p - how much did you get?'

"But we had stir-fry last night and the night before."

"'No' to that, too, eh? Then, may I suggest something we were going to throw out?"

"What town are we in??"

Heisenberg Witness Protection Program

Are the flies in your soup free range? Menu.