Quick Fix Fan Pillows

Back in a snap (chiropractor).

"Yeah, but that one's a little bit hard to reach."

"He's having a hard time finding work."

'Can we afford you to save us money by repairing the car yourself...?'

'As my solicitor I think you could have negotiated that better.'

Introducing... The Everything Else Morning-After Pill!

'Where do I put the batteries?'

"Oh it's not haunted, it's just really old and nothing works."

'Seriously!? ... Well it's apparent I didn't marry a handyman.'

"Well, we're down to bare brick, natural wood, and raw nerves."

'Well, that's fixed that.'

'If I was this car I wouldn't let you in the drivers seat!'

'Have you got one of those things you use to knock nails in...?'

'Don't worry, the first 30 years of dealing with emergency plumbing problems are the hardest.'

"Hello, and welcome to 'Homes Under the Hammer. . .'"

Tune up $90. Tinker $20.

'arrrgh! home haircut disaster.'

"Did we just paint the house or did it just paint us?!"

'Well, that does not yet look like a wall. Try it again, Liam!'

"It'll need a carburettor transplant, a right wing panel augmentation, and an engine oil transfusion... Maybe you should consider euthanasia."

'Vice squad - you're busted.'

'My hubby is getting better at D.I.Y. . . . Oh yes, he now spends more on screws than plasters.'

"Shall I kiss it better?"

"Renovating your bathroom?"

"If we remove the stalactites and replace some rocks, we could flip it for a profit."

'What kind of...'

"This isn't a fixer upper. It's a down-and-outer."

Mower Repair

'Now that's what I call fast food.'

'As you can see, it's a bit of an emergency.'

Home Improvement Programme - "I'm afraid your teenage son will have to go."

'Well! Well! Look what the cat dragged home!...'

'You sure we can't afford another ladder?'

Toy repair.

"That fly paper's paid for itself."