Fix-it-yourself Fan Pillows

'Have you got one of those things you use to knock nails in...?'

'That's not going to start the car.'

"He's having a hard time finding work."

'Can we afford you to save us money by repairing the car yourself...?'

'As my solicitor I think you could have negotiated that better.'

'Where do I put the batteries?'

'Guess what I've got for lunch today...a piece of my wife's delicious rum cake.'

"Oh it's not haunted, it's just really old and nothing works."

'Seriously!? ... Well it's apparent I didn't marry a handyman.'

Desert Island Mishap

"Well, we're down to bare brick, natural wood, and raw nerves."

'Well, that's fixed that.'

'If I was this car I wouldn't let you in the drivers seat!'

'Well for crying out loud, why didn't you do that when I asked you?!!'

'It says for best work out to dismantle and reassemble.'

I'm buying a house. You're broke. So? the interest rate plans are amazing. The banks are giving money away. Besides, the housing market is going nuts. If I buy today, I can sell next year for a huge profit. I suddenly feel faint. You look ill, Mr. Powell.

"Hello, and welcome to 'Homes Under the Hammer. . .'"

Tune up $90. Tinker $20.

Back in a snap (chiropractor).

'arrrgh! home haircut disaster.'

"It'll need a carburettor transplant, a right wing panel augmentation, and an engine oil transfusion... Maybe you should consider euthanasia."

'Vice squad - you're busted.'

'My hubby is getting better at D.I.Y. . . . Oh yes, he now spends more on screws than plasters.'

"Shall I kiss it better?"

'Well, that does not yet look like a wall. Try it again, Liam!'

"Did we just paint the house or did it just paint us?!"

"Renovating your bathroom?"

"My Dad made it himself but I get the feeling he's never seen 'Iron Man'."

'What kind of...'

Mower Repair

"If we remove the stalactites and replace some rocks, we could flip it for a profit."

'Of course, the self-cleaning models tend to cost a little more.'

"This isn't a fixer upper. It's a down-and-outer."

'As you can see, it's a bit of an emergency.'

Home Improvement Programme - "I'm afraid your teenage son will have to go."