Fan Fixer-upper Pillows

'I really need to get rid of that ceiling fan!'

"Hi there! - I'm the world's first eco-friendly comedian... All My Jokes Are Recycled...!"

'Can we afford you to save us money by repairing the car yourself...?'

'As my solicitor I think you could have negotiated that better.'

"Someone throw him a punchline!"

"....And what's the deal with fetch? You want the stick or don't you? Make up your mind already!"

"Oh it's not haunted, it's just really old and nothing works."

'Seriously!? ... Well it's apparent I didn't marry a handyman.'

"I'm bored - let's buy a house in the country that has lots of problems."

"Well, we're down to bare brick, natural wood, and raw nerves."

'Well, that's fixed that.'

Canine Comedians

"What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot!"

"I stand corrected. Hard as you try, sometimes you just can't find the humor in a situation."

'Have you got one of those things you use to knock nails in...?'

'Don't worry, the first 30 years of dealing with emergency plumbing problems are the hardest.'

Jokes machine.

"Oh no! This chimney needs re-pointing."

"I look kind of nice today. . . How long have I been this ugly?"

"Hello, and welcome to 'Homes Under the Hammer. . .'"

"Dad, has there EVER been a time when James Corden was funny..?"

Back in a snap (chiropractor).

Tune up $90. Tinker $20.

'I haven't been feeling funny lately doctor.'

"You've done an absolutely fabulous job with the house, Anne, and Gordon's so improved!"

'Vice squad - you're busted.'

"Ok, ok, how's everyone feeling tonight besides a thousand dollars poorer?"

"Deal with it Your Majesty- Comedy is king!"

'My hubby is getting better at D.I.Y. . . . Oh yes, he now spends more on screws than plasters.'

"Did we just paint the house or did it just paint us?!"

"It'll need a carburettor transplant, a right wing panel augmentation, and an engine oil transfusion... Maybe you should consider euthanasia."

'Love your renovations.'

"Renovating your bathroom?"