Fixer-upper Fans Pillows

"I'm bored - let's buy a house in the country that has lots of problems."

Handymen in Hell: 'Now this place is a real fixer-upper...of course, we don't allow hat sort of thing here.'

"Do you play the Lottery, Guv?"

'Can we afford you to save us money by repairing the car yourself...?'

'As my solicitor I think you could have negotiated that better.'

"Oh it's not haunted, it's just really old and nothing works."

'Seriously!? ... Well it's apparent I didn't marry a handyman.'

"So, how's the money pit in the kitchen coming?"

"It's a major fixer-upper. How's your marriage?"

"Well, we're down to bare brick, natural wood, and raw nerves."

Man to pets about upside down house: 'I don't care who started it!'

'Well, that's fixed that.'

"Do you prefer the tile engineered to look like wood, or the wood engineered to look like tile?"

'Don't worry, the first 30 years of dealing with emergency plumbing problems are the hardest.'

"Oh no! This chimney needs re-pointing."

"I look kind of nice today. . . How long have I been this ugly?"

"That's a new side effect of our mission to keep things together."

"Hello, and welcome to 'Homes Under the Hammer. . .'"

'Apart from his awful workmanship, my hubby's handy work is fine.'

Tune up $90. Tinker $20.

'Vice squad - you're busted.'

Dog fetches dice

"You've done an absolutely fabulous job with the house, Anne, and Gordon's so improved!"

'Love your renovations.'

"Renovating your bathroom?"

Moe's Fix-It Shop - No Heroic Measures

'Buy this house sir, and you could be a star in a DIY make-over programme!'

'Of course, the self-cleaning models tend to cost a little more.'

Well paid job

"If we remove the stalactites and replace some rocks, we could flip it for a profit."

"This isn't a fixer upper. It's a down-and-outer."

"Thanks for fixing the muffler."

'As you can see, it's a bit of an emergency.'

'Well! Well! Look what the cat dragged home!...'

Nail Ambush