Fix-it-yourself Fan T-Shirts

'Have you got one of those things you use to knock nails in...?'

'That's not going to start the car.'

"He's having a hard time finding work."

'Can we afford you to save us money by repairing the car yourself...?'

'As my solicitor I think you could have negotiated that better.'

'Guess what I've got for lunch today...a piece of my wife's delicious rum cake.'

'Where do I put the batteries?'

Desert Island Mishap

'Seriously!? ... Well it's apparent I didn't marry a handyman.'

"Oh it's not haunted, it's just really old and nothing works."

"Well, we're down to bare brick, natural wood, and raw nerves."

'Well, that's fixed that.'

'If I was this car I wouldn't let you in the drivers seat!'

'Well for crying out loud, why didn't you do that when I asked you?!!'

'It says for best work out to dismantle and reassemble.'

"Hello, and welcome to 'Homes Under the Hammer. . .'"

Tune up $90. Tinker $20.

Back in a snap (chiropractor).

'arrrgh! home haircut disaster.'

'My hubby is getting better at D.I.Y. . . . Oh yes, he now spends more on screws than plasters.'

'Well, that does not yet look like a wall. Try it again, Liam!'

"Did we just paint the house or did it just paint us?!"

'Vice squad - you're busted.'

"Shall I kiss it better?"

"It'll need a carburettor transplant, a right wing panel augmentation, and an engine oil transfusion... Maybe you should consider euthanasia."

"Renovating your bathroom?"

Mower Repair

"This isn't a fixer upper. It's a down-and-outer."

'What kind of...'

'Of course, the self-cleaning models tend to cost a little more.'

"If we remove the stalactites and replace some rocks, we could flip it for a profit."

'As you can see, it's a bit of an emergency.'

Home Improvement Programme - "I'm afraid your teenage son will have to go."

'You sure we can't afford another ladder?'

'Well! Well! Look what the cat dragged home!...'