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Mr Briggs's Pleasures of Housekeeping - No. I

'Can we afford you to save us money by repairing the car yourself...?'

'As my solicitor I think you could have negotiated that better.'

"Oh it's not haunted, it's just really old and nothing works."

'Seriously!? ... Well it's apparent I didn't marry a handyman.'

"Well, we're down to bare brick, natural wood, and raw nerves."

'Well, that's fixed that.'

"That thermostat I bought is smart. It knows how cheap I am, so it keeps our home freezing."

'If I was this car I wouldn't let you in the drivers seat!'

'Have you got one of those things you use to knock nails in...?'

"Here's the remote to your smart home. It's big, but the good news is you'll never lose it."

"Hello, and welcome to 'Homes Under the Hammer. . .'"

I'm buying a house. You're broke. So? the interest rate plans are amazing. The banks are giving money away. Besides, the housing market is going nuts. If I buy today, I can sell next year for a huge profit. I suddenly feel faint. You look ill, Mr. Powell.

"Life is so much easier since I brought the XL Robovax for Clive."

Back in a snap (chiropractor).

Tune up $90. Tinker $20.

"Did we just paint the house or did it just paint us?!"

'Vice squad - you're busted.'

'My hubby is getting better at D.I.Y. . . . Oh yes, he now spends more on screws than plasters.'

"It'll need a carburettor transplant, a right wing panel augmentation, and an engine oil transfusion... Maybe you should consider euthanasia."

"I've just overheard the doctor say the farmer has the flu! We all know what that means: chicken soup!"

The bulb family leaves for vacation

"You've done an absolutely fabulous job with the house, Anne, and Gordon's so improved!"

'Love your renovations.'

"Renovating your bathroom?"

"This isn't a fixer upper. It's a down-and-outer."

Mower Repair

'Now that's what I call fast food.'

'Of course, the self-cleaning models tend to cost a little more.'

"If we remove the stalactites and replace some rocks, we could flip it for a profit."

"I programmed the refrigerator to hide from you in between meals."

'As you can see, it's a bit of an emergency.'

'You sure we can't afford another ladder?'

'Well! Well! Look what the cat dragged home!...'

Toy repair.