Mechanical Repair Fan Pillows

"It'll need a carburettor transplant, a right wing panel augmentation, and an engine oil transfusion... Maybe you should consider euthanasia."

'Can we afford you to save us money by repairing the car yourself...?'

'As my solicitor I think you could have negotiated that better.'

"Oh it's not haunted, it's just really old and nothing works."

'Seriously!? ... Well it's apparent I didn't marry a handyman.'

"Well, we're down to bare brick, natural wood, and raw nerves."

'Well, that's fixed that.'

'If I was this car I wouldn't let you in the drivers seat!'

'Have you got one of those things you use to knock nails in...?'

"Hello, and welcome to 'Homes Under the Hammer. . .'"

Back in a snap (chiropractor).

Tune up $90. Tinker $20.

"That's why safety boots are so important. . . you see? Eddie's feet have stayed perfectly dry."

'My hubby is getting better at D.I.Y. . . . Oh yes, he now spends more on screws than plasters.'

'Vice squad - you're busted.'

"Did we just paint the house or did it just paint us?!"

"Renovating your bathroom?"

"This isn't a fixer upper. It's a down-and-outer."

Mower Repair

"If we remove the stalactites and replace some rocks, we could flip it for a profit."

'As you can see, it's a bit of an emergency.'

'You sure we can't afford another ladder?'

'Well! Well! Look what the cat dragged home!...'

"I found your problem. This is a horse."

"That fly paper's paid for itself."

"Let me guess...you got a job here because you needed new parts for your lowrider project?"

Toy repair.

'Drat! I better take her in. The check engine light just went off.'

'So...do you have any parts for a Classically trained Shakespearian actor?'

"Just relax and hold still."

'... But, I don't want to see the potential. I want to see the dream house you promised me.'

Root worker painting a unhappy face on the road.

'All I said was,'do you want decking,sir?'

Avon lady (selling foundation cream) tapping a builder on the shoulder.