Queue Cynic Gifts

'This is bogus! There was no waiting last year!'

"Nihilistic customer service"

'You gonna finish that lemon peel?'

"Since he's been a plagiarist, committed perjury and runs a Ponzi scheme, trust can be an issue."

The Forever Stamp

"I've given up trying to be on top of things."

"Right. Women adore him, men want to be like him, and YOU... well, you're hopeless. So, am I the ONLY one who sees through this guy?"

"Let's wait for it to come out on cable and then not watch it."

Famous Oxymorons...

When Stupid People Get an Idea

"A survey found 82% of people think surveys are a waste of time."

"At the end of the day it's just a sunset."

"Do you know 'Love Stinks,' by the J. Geils Band?"

"Life sucks and then you keep living."

'So to sum up this lengthy discussion: at the next meeting we'd prefer one platter of Brie and grape, one of honey glazed ham, and one of roast beef with wild horseradish - and NO cheese and pickle.'

'The dip in profits here is attributed to the purchase of this projector and screen.'

"Hey - let's not us re-invent wheel."

Diogenes and tourists

"Oh well - same shit, different day. . .!"

"He's a widowed eighty-year-old billionaire with a 'Do Not Resuscitate' tattoo...what's not to like?"

Obama builds own gallows.

'Here - The Royal Safety Council said you have to wear this.'

"I've given him your message. If you'll just take a seat, he'll be out in a moment with his hands up."

"And in this section it appears that you have not only alienated voters but actually infected them, too."

Find the failed CEO who got a 200 million dollar bonus while being fired.

"Where's that special cartridge we use to print campaign promises...the one with disappearing ink?"

"I was thinking about leaving until I found out they were going to waterboard me during the exit interview."

"You seem to have the right combination of bitterness, pessimism, and caffeine consumption that we're looking for."