Queue Cynic Pillows

'This is bogus! There was no waiting last year!'

Unhappy man with 'rabbit-ear' fingers behind his head.

"Nihilistic customer service"

'You gonna finish that lemon peel?'

"Since he's been a plagiarist, committed perjury and runs a Ponzi scheme, trust can be an issue."

The Forever Stamp

"I've given up trying to be on top of things."

Someday

Famous Oxymorons...

Platitudes for the hopelessly realistic. When life gives you lemons, get a gift receipt.

"Right. Women adore him, men want to be like him, and YOU... well, you're hopeless. So, am I the ONLY one who sees through this guy?"

"Let's wait for it to come out on cable and then not watch it."

"At the end of the day it's just a sunset."

"Do you know 'Love Stinks,' by the J. Geils Band?"

Space Tours. Ernie, in this interview promoting your space tours, you didn't acknowledge the first test rocket was vaporized in a huge launch pad explosion. I said "The first test yielded spectacular results!" There's nothing about your lack of a system to provide oxygen for the travelers. I informed people "the experience will leave you breathless!" Lots of your technology is straight out of the 19th century! I said "Come be a pioneer!" It seems most of your company's effort went into th

"A survey found 82% of people think surveys are a waste of time."

Gullibility Test $1.00.

"Life sucks and then you keep living."

When Stupid People Get an Idea

'So to sum up this lengthy discussion: at the next meeting we'd prefer one platter of Brie and grape, one of honey glazed ham, and one of roast beef with wild horseradish - and NO cheese and pickle.'

"Oh well - same shit, different day. . .!"

"Hey - let's not us re-invent wheel."

Diogenes and tourists

Obama builds own gallows.

"He's a widowed eighty-year-old billionaire with a 'Do Not Resuscitate' tattoo...what's not to like?"

'The dip in profits here is attributed to the purchase of this projector and screen.'

'Here - The Royal Safety Council said you have to wear this.'

'Huh! Nobody home!'

"I was thinking about leaving until I found out they were going to waterboard me during the exit interview."

Born Cynical,,,,

"And in this section it appears that you have not only alienated voters but actually infected them, too."

The Side Effect of Self-Awareness

"Where's that special cartridge we use to print campaign promises...the one with disappearing ink?"

If there's one thing I've learned, it's this: Never trust someone who tries to sell you nine life insurance policies.

Find the failed CEO who got a 200 million dollar bonus while being fired.