Questionnaire Aficionado Gifts

'Do you find my opinions: a) well informed? b) insightful? c) ...?'

'I'd say he's 10 percent 'pet' and 90 percent 'Lord and Master of All He Surveys'.'

Priest's 'To do' list.

"Where would you see yourself in five years' time?"

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

Admissions test for the Danbury Institute of Philosophy

"Allow me to respond to your question with a question of my own that I can answer."

'I was just beginning to think about my portfolio. Now you're telling me to rethink it.'

'Nice, but it needs more angst.'

'It's a difficult position to fill. Someone who's smarter than me - and smart enough to pretend not to know it.'

A planet like ours - pub quiz dolphin

You Don't Have To Be Crazy To Work Here But You Will Be After The Training.

'Which scares you most - Iran, North Korea, or the alternative minimum tax?'

"If I wanted your opinion I would have hauled you in for questioning."

'Sorry...you're not quite right for the position.'

'Tell me truthfully,these glowing references from the Dukes of York and Kent are public houses aren't they?'

'I understand night and day, but which came first?'

'All of your previous employers said you are very loyal.'

"Perhaps we'd be more likely to reach an agreement if the British delegate would stop shouting 'Deal or no deal' all the time."

'Personally, I like the look of the next candidate!'

"...and how do you feel about being labelled the new Great British hope?"

Job Interview

"And now your General Knowledge Round...Where does clean laundry come from?"

'Why do you want a career in the bank?'

"We don't want someone who will sleep 16 hours a day. We want someone who will work 16 hours a day."

'Now that I think about it, you're right: Like bankers, we thrive on the misfortune of others...'

That Pesky 'Why' Chromosome.

'You have an online degree from the college of hard knocks'

'You'll be hearing from us! Hello?'

'It's big and it's yellow.'

'OK, I see you've worked as a driving instructor for the past 23 years.'