Quartet Crooner Gifts

'How about some barber shop harmony?'

Four children playing the flute.

'You do a passable Jerry Lewis, but your Frank Sinatra stinks.'

Toothless Rocker, "Oi, play the guitar with your own teeth !"

Bashful in Nashville

'...and I only have eyes, for ewe...'

'I can't write cheating songs because my wife's too insecure.'

"In closing, I'd just like to say you've been a great crowd, folks. Don't forget to tip your waitress, and I hope this final number breaks your heart the way show business broke mine."

'Woke up this morning found someone had stolen my guitar...'

"This next song's about spreading risk in a volitile market by diversification"

'Confirming the belief that music and math are related, I will now sing some lovely French equations.'

Barber shop quartet

"Now, how many of you liked the viola player best?"

'My next song is a little ditty about why I don't have any references,'

Music from the moon.

"O.K., I'm off to do some running and off-key singing."

Dolly Parton

Rhinestone Accountant

Guarneri Feline Quartet.

Banjo Player

"Let's face it, Tom. A society that's paying its Frank Sinatras and Johnny Carsons more than its yous and mes is out of whack."

String Quartet Vending Machine

The New Modern-Day Lament.

'The song made it seem so much more serene.'

"This next song's about our desperate struggle to please and chronic craving for approval. I really, really hope you like it."

'I'd like to teach the world to sting.'

"Gentlemen, let's pick it up again with 'I Been Livin' on Cold Navy Beans.'"

Pianissimo - (to sing very softly).

Singing is everyone's shower rights.

"O.K., Marv, you win. Quit the croonin' and get a condom."