Quantum Jokester Gifts

'How can you not know if your cat is dead or alive, Mr Schrodinger?'

WANTED Dead or Alive - Schrodinger's Cat.

You observed me speeding? Are you familiar with the Heisenberg uncertainty principle?

Two particles outside Hadron Collider; 'Fancy getting smashed this evening?'

"Please ask your pet to kindly put down the weapon."

"The following program was made possible by fluctuations in the random chaos of the Universe...."

"The stars were much more beautiful from Earth."

'...heard the one about the Venusian, the Martian and the Saturnian?'

"Not now, Oliver."

'Hey, what happened to my cookies?'

'Everybody on the internet now knows I'm a dog, so I'm pretending to be a cat.'

"And where do you see yourself in the next 7-8 billion years?"

"I've never read such utter nonsense! There's a guy here reckons we're all living in some kind of computer simulation!"

"I've edited your Wikipedia entry again, Sadie. You're about to be inundated with phone calls from the press." "Whatever, geek-boy." "You're now the world's foremost authority on Turkey leprosy, the disease that's threatening to ruin the holidays." "No one'll believe that." "Oh yeah? I wrote a Wikipedia page for Turkey leprosy, too, along with examples of all the historical figures it's killed, such as the Archduke of Crushistan." "There is no 'Crushistan.'" "I've written a Wikipedia entry for C

BLACK HOLES, the space path of least resistance.

"Someone has hacked into our Computer."

"Are you sure this is a 'Flu virus?" "See for yourself...it's nose is running!"

'One placebo or two, doctor?'

Physics Improv. "I now vill be taking suggestions from ze audience..."

'Don't you hate it when they look BACK at you?'

Cosmonaughty

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

'If you don't behave we'll unfreeze your stem cells!'

Mike had learnt by heart the whole training manual, apart from the most important bit.

"If small stars keep planets in line, what do big stars do?"

At first, Moses was worried about the manna from heaven.

"Alarmingly, after five minutes the pool had come no closer."

". . . And how long have you felt alienated?"

"I'm catching up on my inertia."

'Lately, I've been thinking a lot about evolution. My theory is that it all points to 'survival of the fattest'.'

"It's the formula for a black hole."

"Information is moved via neurotransmitters from neuron to neuron via the synapses into the brain where it is then retrieved by the memory via a slap on the back of the head."

'But it may be easier to understand the meaning of bioengineered life.'

'Boy, that felt good! I can see why the devil has so much fun. And no, I'm not letting you in! But tell him I said hello.'

'Keep it under you hat, but I want you to enrich some uranium.'