Quantum Comedian Gifts

"Houston....I've found the 'Plank Constant'."

'Houston, I'm prepared to land...'

Albert Einstein

"Our light bill is astronomical living next to a black hole."

"Don't worry, they normally look like little humans during the early scans."

You too?! I go around feeling half asleep all the time also!

"Houston, we have a problem."

"Abduction 101, when abducting eggs from a primitive planet always lower the temperature in the ship!"

C'mon, it'll be fun! I'll throw on some stars, pop in a few planets, drum up a life form or two, and this place will be hoppin'! The Big Shebang Theory.

'You forgot to pay the gravity bill, didn't you?'

"Up here, light is neither a particle nor a wave. It's a liquid."

"Remember when we used to wonder if there other beings somewhere out there?"

God Sneezes Out Creation

"On the eighth day, God found a lot of assembly parts left over."

"Honestly, I didn't know your wife was in the shower."

Sock Puppet in Literature

"Hey! If you're here to marvel at the smallness of your existence within a glorious, vast and unknowable universe, there's a line!"

"I've heard that seeing the earth from outer space can really change your perspective. I couldn't agree more."

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

'You've orbited the Earth in a NASA spacecraft! Wow! Me, I've jumped over the Moon...'

'I don't know which was prettier - the meteor shower or the cascade of flaming space junk.'

'Gravity...Go figure!'

Clown God

'You caught it, you gut it!'

"Stupid map ... that dot must cover 10,000 cubic light years."

'...heard the one about the Venusian, the Martian and the Saturnian?'

Optimist

Man at penthouse party walks out onto terrace and is startled to see the Earth, instead of the moon, shining in the sky.

"Sorry, website closed for lunch."

"Of course it's alien abductions! How else would you explain the, 'November Phenomenon'?"

Science fiction fans on other planets

STRIP God' s dog urinating on planet Earth

Neil Armstrong Outtakes

That's all very well sir, but is it full strength, low fat, high calcium or soy?

The Origins of Everything