Quantum Comedian Gifts

"Houston....I've found the 'Plank Constant'."

'Houston, I'm prepared to land...'

"Our light bill is astronomical living next to a black hole."

"Don't worry, they normally look like little humans during the early scans."

"Abduction 101, when abducting eggs from a primitive planet always lower the temperature in the ship!"

"Houston, we have a problem."

"Up here, light is neither a particle nor a wave. It's a liquid."

God Sneezes Out Creation

"Remember when we used to wonder if there other beings somewhere out there?"

'You forgot to pay the gravity bill, didn't you?'

"On the eighth day, God found a lot of assembly parts left over."

'I don't know which was prettier - the meteor shower or the cascade of flaming space junk.'

'...heard the one about the Venusian, the Martian and the Saturnian?'

Sock Puppet in Literature

'Gravity...Go figure!'

"Hey! If you're here to marvel at the smallness of your existence within a glorious, vast and unknowable universe, there's a line!"

Clown God

'You've orbited the Earth in a NASA spacecraft! Wow! Me, I've jumped over the Moon...'

"Stupid map ... that dot must cover 10,000 cubic light years."

"Honestly, I didn't know your wife was in the shower."

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

"I've heard that seeing the earth from outer space can really change your perspective. I couldn't agree more."

'You caught it, you gut it!'

Optimist

Man at penthouse party walks out onto terrace and is startled to see the Earth, instead of the moon, shining in the sky.

STRIP God' s dog urinating on planet Earth

The Origins of Everything

That's all very well sir, but is it full strength, low fat, high calcium or soy?

Science fiction fans on other planets

Right, this is the map of all the UFO sightings. Hold the light steady love.