Quacking Up At Comedy Gifts

'Well I'll bet no one else thinks it's funny.'

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

'You must have been wearing your beer googles.'

Optimist

"Elementary, my dear Quackson."

'Thanks, we really appreciate this. Yeah, the middle button. Don't worry, it's auto-focus - just aim and shoot.'

Inflatable Duck Boat

'He's normally not affectionate, but he's really taken a liking to you!'

"You don't need a duck call. I can just download this Find-a-Fowl app."

'Save your money - he's a quack.'

'That's a quack-quack'. Ornithological conference.

"One group gets tiny copies of the 'Times,' the other gets tiny copies of the 'Post.'"

'I, pink, therefore, I ham...'

"She thought he was a good listener. Turns out he was a decoy."

You heard right - one large cheese pizza, and tell the driver to take it out of the box and leave it in the yard,

"Aha! - Proof that this is definitely an iron-age site..."

'And we're just a stone's throw from the beach.'

Unlikely Fly Scenario

'Well you certainly walk like a duck and quack like a duck.'

"I'm disabling autocorrect, because it reminds me too much of my mother-in-law."

Funeral for a Cartoonist

Veterinary Clinic. No, it's not a "wading" room.

"Two minutes out of the water and he's already evolvier-than-thou."

'We're having the whole place done over in pistachio!'

'Jill, come take a look at Mr. Bolinder's EKG!'

'OK, now I'm freaked out. How'd he get my cell phone number?'

Pick your own fruit - Pick your own nose

Uri Geller's cutlery drawer. All of the spoons in the drawer a bent.

The Quack Quack Diaries: Quack Quack Rocks The Vote

'Sorry, we serve beer in glasses only. Not in the toilet flush.'

"I haven't slept well since you pointed out that these modeling sessions are a form of betrayal."

"If she sings it's over."

"Your lives will continue to stink until you find your center."

Cat fight club.

"Oh man, I knew I shouldn't have nibbled those mushrooms."