Quacking Up At Comedy Mugs

'Well I'll bet no one else thinks it's funny.'

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

Optimist

"Elementary, my dear Quackson."

'Thanks, we really appreciate this. Yeah, the middle button. Don't worry, it's auto-focus - just aim and shoot.'

"You don't need a duck call. I can just download this Find-a-Fowl app."

Inflatable Duck Boat

'He's normally not affectionate, but he's really taken a liking to you!'

'Save your money - he's a quack.'

"One group gets tiny copies of the 'Times,' the other gets tiny copies of the 'Post.'"

'That's a quack-quack'. Ornithological conference.

"She thought he was a good listener. Turns out he was a decoy."

"Aha! - Proof that this is definitely an iron-age site..."

'And we're just a stone's throw from the beach.'

Unlikely Fly Scenario

'Well you certainly walk like a duck and quack like a duck.'

"I'm disabling autocorrect, because it reminds me too much of my mother-in-law."

"Two minutes out of the water and he's already evolvier-than-thou."

Funeral for a Cartoonist

'We're having the whole place done over in pistachio!'

'OK, now I'm freaked out. How'd he get my cell phone number?'

Uri Geller's cutlery drawer. All of the spoons in the drawer a bent.

"I haven't slept well since you pointed out that these modeling sessions are a form of betrayal."

'Sorry, we serve beer in glasses only. Not in the toilet flush.'

Pick your own fruit - Pick your own nose

"If she sings it's over."

Lead Duck With Evil Plans

"OK so - this might sound kinda crazy - but what do you think of me peeing on you?"