Quack Medicine Investigator T-Shirts

"Trepanning for gold"

Inflatable Duck Boat

'This duck call works too well.'

'Save your money - he's a quack.'

'He's a retired Drill-Sergeant!'

'You don't have a heart murmur, but your liver is muttering.'

9 out of 10 doctors recommend keeping their stethoscopes in the freezer.

'That's a quack-quack'. Ornithological conference.

"Hiya, hiya, hiya, guy. I'm the bluebird of Prozac."

'Gee, Doc - couldn't you just use a rubber mallet to check my reflexes?'

Quick! 5-second rule!

Fred questions whether Dr. McWit's Quick Draw Stress Tests are AMA approved.

"And more intriguingly, your prognosis differs depending on which search engine I use."

The Big Book of Really Hard Surgery

'Sure, long waits don't bother you. You've served time.'

A Mom and Pop Operation

'Eureka! It won't cure anything, but the side effects are terrific!'

'Well you certainly walk like a duck and quack like a duck.'

Plastic Surgery

"There's no such thing as 'just' ducky."

"And with the amazing scores of 99.95, may I present Roger and Milly Mallard!"

"My Doctor said I needed more exercise so I jogged down to the donut shop."

Veterinary Clinic. No, it's not a "wading" room.

'OK, now I'm freaked out. How'd he get my cell phone number?'

'You're not my usual doctor.'

"He certainly brings a new dimension to keyhole surgery!"

The Quack Quack Diaries: Quack Quack Rocks The Vote

"It's okay, I'm actually just a flamboyantly-costumed osteopath."

'Tell me. How many acupuncture treatments did doctor Wing give you?'

"I haven't slept well since you pointed out that these modeling sessions are a form of betrayal."

'If you can't get a doctor, dear, at least try to marry a quack.'

'Hang on! A good looking she-duck alone on lake doesn't seem right to me: It must be a decoy...'

'Do you have any idea how many dryer related cases we get around here?!'

New-Age junk diet.

'i thought I'd held him get rid of his chronic depression . . .'