Quack T-Shirts

'If you can't get a doctor, dear, at least try to marry a quack.'

"They must be grown-up ducks, because they're eating the crusts too."

'Goodness, no Doctor, my husband is not calling you any insulting names. He's a duck and that's the only word he knows.'

"Elementary, my dear Quackson."

"You don't need a duck call. I can just download this Find-a-Fowl app."

Inflatable Duck Boat

'Save your money - he's a quack.'

'This duck call works too well.'

'He's a retired Drill-Sergeant!'

'That's a quack-quack'. Ornithological conference.

"She thought he was a good listener. Turns out he was a decoy."

Fred questions whether Dr. McWit's Quick Draw Stress Tests are AMA approved.

'Sure, long waits don't bother you. You've served time.'

'Well you certainly walk like a duck and quack like a duck.'

"There's no such thing as 'just' ducky."

Veterinary Clinic. No, it's not a "wading" room.

"And with the amazing scores of 99.95, may I present Roger and Milly Mallard!"

'OK, now I'm freaked out. How'd he get my cell phone number?'

'Tell me. How many acupuncture treatments did doctor Wing give you?'

"I haven't slept well since you pointed out that these modeling sessions are a form of betrayal."

The Quack Quack Diaries: Quack Quack Rocks The Vote

Lead Duck With Evil Plans

'Hang on! A good looking she-duck alone on lake doesn't seem right to me: It must be a decoy...'

New-Age junk diet.

'i thought I'd held him get rid of his chronic depression . . .'

"Please don't call me names because you're feeling down in the mouth."

Dead ducks

Doctor to nurse about duck: 'Walks like a duck, looks like a duck, but I need some more quacking tests first.'

'Yes, I can give you lipo-suction and a face-lift, Mrs Gribbs, but I must warn you that it won't change the fact that basically, way deep down and underneath it all, you're really a duck.'

"Let's see what your chart says. The patient needs...chamomile tea...a delivery from Concha's Herbal Shop...and 10 gallons of holy water?"

'I still think he's saying the sky is falling just to sell life insurance.'

'OK, that was funny, but before you quack like me again, be aware that the Duck Season is open...'

Geese

Testing the first doc call.

'Son, I think it's time we had 'The Quack'.'