Quack Philosopher T-Shirts

"There's no such thing as 'just' ducky."

If you bathe a skunk in tomato juice, it will smell like a dog. A bird in the hand is better than two in your shorts. Never wear aqua after Thanksgiving. Unconventional wisdom.

'Goodness, no Doctor, my husband is not calling you any insulting names. He's a duck and that's the only word he knows.'

Pigeon Little

"You can't compare apples and oranges because oranges have longer legs."

'If, as you say, they're so evolved, why do they need to wear clothes to survive?'

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

Reverse psychology

"You don't need a duck call. I can just download this Find-a-Fowl app."

"I'm sorry, but you didn't recognize me as the Messiah when I had braces and glasses."

Inflatable Duck Boat

'Save your money - he's a quack.'

'This duck call works too well.'

"Let's see now: All dogs have four legs. I have four legs. Therefore, I am a dog."

Yeah, well, I only failed my logic exam because I'm a Pisces and my professor's a Leo.

Jeffrey's Time Machine: '...I want to go back and see what the world was like when people weren't so stupid and annoying!'

'That's a quack-quack'. Ornithological conference.

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

"Trepanning for gold"

"She thought he was a good listener. Turns out he was a decoy."

Fred questions whether Dr. McWit's Quick Draw Stress Tests are AMA approved.

'Don't Move!' - 'Why would I want to move? Lived here for 51 years, know all the neighbours, shops nearby, post office is closed but...'

The existentialist manifesto according to Jean-Paul Sinatra-'oooby Dooby Doo!'

'Did you ever wonder why iced coffee is goof but cold coffee isn't? . . . You're not curious like I am.'

"It Works For Us."

"Now they're saying 80 is the new 70. So, when's the new dead?"

"It's chic to be vulnerable."

"The gods aren't angry, Tara. They're just hurt and disappointed."

"Is it always so cloudy?"

'Well you certainly walk like a duck and quack like a duck.'

"After the Great Seagull Reincarnation, we'll spend eternity stealing sandwiches and defecating as we please."

Veterinary Clinic. No, it's not a "wading" room.

The end is near.

I lactate, therefore I am.

"My mum always said life is like a tin of cat food. You never know what you're gonna get..."