Quack Philosopher T-Shirts

"There's no such thing as 'just' ducky."

'Goodness, no Doctor, my husband is not calling you any insulting names. He's a duck and that's the only word he knows.'

Pigeon Little

"You can't compare apples and oranges because oranges have longer legs."

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

'If, as you say, they're so evolved, why do they need to wear clothes to survive?'

Reverse psychology

"I'm sorry, but you didn't recognize me as the Messiah when I had braces and glasses."

Inflatable Duck Boat

"You don't need a duck call. I can just download this Find-a-Fowl app."

'This duck call works too well.'

"Let's see now: All dogs have four legs. I have four legs. Therefore, I am a dog."

'Save your money - he's a quack.'

'That's a quack-quack'. Ornithological conference.

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

"She thought he was a good listener. Turns out he was a decoy."

"Trepanning for gold"

Fred questions whether Dr. McWit's Quick Draw Stress Tests are AMA approved.

'Don't Move!' - 'Why would I want to move? Lived here for 51 years, know all the neighbours, shops nearby, post office is closed but...'

'Did you ever wonder why iced coffee is goof but cold coffee isn't? . . . You're not curious like I am.'

"Now they're saying 80 is the new 70. So, when's the new dead?"

"Is it always so cloudy?"

The existentialist manifesto according to Jean-Paul Sinatra-'oooby Dooby Doo!'

"The gods aren't angry, Tara. They're just hurt and disappointed."

"It Works For Us."

"It's chic to be vulnerable."

'Well you certainly walk like a duck and quack like a duck.'

"And with the amazing scores of 99.95, may I present Roger and Milly Mallard!"

The end is near.

I lactate, therefore I am.

"My mum always said life is like a tin of cat food. You never know what you're gonna get..."

"After the Great Seagull Reincarnation, we'll spend eternity stealing sandwiches and defecating as we please."