Quack Medicine Investigator Gifts

"Trepanning for gold"

Inflatable Duck Boat

'This duck call works too well.'

'Save your money - he's a quack.'

'He's a retired Drill-Sergeant!'

'You don't have a heart murmur, but your liver is muttering.'

'That's a quack-quack'. Ornithological conference.

9 out of 10 doctors recommend keeping their stethoscopes in the freezer.

"Hiya, hiya, hiya, guy. I'm the bluebird of Prozac."

'Gee, Doc - couldn't you just use a rubber mallet to check my reflexes?'

"And more intriguingly, your prognosis differs depending on which search engine I use."

Fred questions whether Dr. McWit's Quick Draw Stress Tests are AMA approved.

A Mom and Pop Operation

'Sure, long waits don't bother you. You've served time.'

The Big Book of Really Hard Surgery

'Well you certainly walk like a duck and quack like a duck.'

'Eureka! It won't cure anything, but the side effects are terrific!'

Plastic Surgery

"And with the amazing scores of 99.95, may I present Roger and Milly Mallard!"

"My Doctor said I needed more exercise so I jogged down to the donut shop."

"There's no such thing as 'just' ducky."

'You're not my usual doctor.'

"He certainly brings a new dimension to keyhole surgery!"

'OK, now I'm freaked out. How'd he get my cell phone number?'

"It's okay, I'm actually just a flamboyantly-costumed osteopath."

"I haven't slept well since you pointed out that these modeling sessions are a form of betrayal."

'Tell me. How many acupuncture treatments did doctor Wing give you?'

'Do you have any idea how many dryer related cases we get around here?!'

'If you can't get a doctor, dear, at least try to marry a quack.'

'Hang on! A good looking she-duck alone on lake doesn't seem right to me: It must be a decoy...'

New-Age junk diet.

'i thought I'd held him get rid of his chronic depression . . .'