Q&a Enthusiast Gifts

'I'm now going to open the floor to questions.'

"And finally, I'd like to take any questions from the floor."

"Afterward, there will be a short Q. and A. that will be just long enough for one person to take up too much of it."

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

"I've always dreamed of being on an academic team like this! It's great that we can all depend on each other!"

Academic Jeopardy ... 'What Was the Maiden Name of Dante Alighieri's Maternal Grandmother?'

"O.K., O.K., people - we're not workshopping these, they're already set in stone."

Do you have any other skills?

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

'Don't start timing me yet! This staple won't come out!'

"I'm looking for a 'yes man' who can say 'no' without sounding negative"

Senior Jeopardy!

'Your resume and interview were so bad, not only did you not get the job, I'm having you arrested as well.'

"At least we agree to disagree."

And I like to call this my 'dance of the enhanced PEP at alternative firms'.

Spot Quiz....

"You say you’re currently holding down 3 jobs...very impressive."

"That's nice, but do you have any references other than your Mom?"

"So, you want to work at our firm, Eh?"

Help wanted. Various positions available.

'The position carries no salary, just healthcare coverage.'

"Discussion topic: Is our society becoming less civil and more violent?"

"I see you have a lot of experience in re-tail. . ."

"Would you like something you're under qualified for, or something you're overqualified for?"

'He will observe your text now...'

"Again, you may exercise your right to remain silent, but it's going to work against you since this is a job interview."

'You don't want the job, do you?'

"And where do you see your mustache in five years?"

"Where do you see yourself five lives from now?"

'Have you got a resume?'

'I see you have extensive experience eating, sleeping, and mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the college graduates who have applied.'

Philosophy Test Today. This "Meaning of Life" question -- is that essay or true-false?

Spot the fur ball.

"Of course I'm responsible for that marketing plan, but you're responsible for how it turned out!"

Multi-Species Employment Agency. Did you hire the octopus for that job opening? Yeah, but I did interview other applicants. The frog was a strong candidate ... I'm flexible on location -- I'm an amphibian! The whale seemed to be hiding something. The gap in my resume? Uh ... I was beached for a while. And the pig wasn't smart. I see "USDA Approved" on your resume --- I don't think you understand what that means. The octopus got the job because he was a great multitasker!