Purse Perfectionist Gifts

'I wish they could make one that would find things in your purse.'

"I need a teeny tiny handbag so I don't have to stow away my husband's wallet, phone and reading glasses."

'I'd say your caravan's a tad overloaded, sir.'

Build Your Own Portfolio

"First aid box, puncture repair kit, mobile phone, energy bars and plenty of liquids; I think that's all eventualities covered..."

'Before you come with me, tell me...does this robe look a little rumpled to you? I don't think the dry cleaners got the creases out, do you?'

"Let's see, I make it four suitcases, a rolling bag, and a tote bag... You sure that's enough for our two day trip?"

Mrs Howell packs 200 changes of clothing for a 3-hour tour.

Fragile stamper.

"Honey, can you read through our list and let me know if I forgot anything?"

We're going on a first date. So many words are misused every day. Literally! I don't accept the use of imperfect language. Me either. Trying to fight it has no effect. It's all a mute point. Irregardless, I could care less. I had nothing farther to say.

Surreal ale

"It turns out you can 'take it with you' if you pack correctly."

'You reached the Nervous Investor Fund's Hotline. The per share value is now 19.05, now 18.91, now...'

'Wake up! You should be worrying about our investments!'

'Actually, they're a hybrid. They are a blue-chip, common stock.'

"Constant vigilance, regular trimming."

'Y'know, this wouldn't keep happening if you learned to load your pack properly.'

'I think you've put that in the wrong place.'

"You're pretty optimistic about this new investment strategy of your's, aren't you?"

"Why not pay someone to clean out the gutters?" "Total waste of good beer money." And just like that, Gail became a widow.

'Find out if that was a computer glitch or a market glitch?'

'I think you might've over-packed. We'll only be gone for an hour.'

"This painting will make you so famous that you won't be able to walk down the street without being recognised."

'After looking over your portfolio, I don't think 'enough' will be enough.'

'No, your stock didn't split. The fact it's worth half of what it was yesterday is just an amazing coincidence.'

The Birth of a Portfolio

Quality Contorl.

'If you're so smart, why don't you have some Index Funds in your portfolio.'

"But everything seems so neat and orderly we'd never guess that your lives are falling apart."

Excess Baggage: Many couples pack for trips in totally different ways.

"I'm not overpacked... I'm prepared!"

Patient to Doctor: 'This may hurt a little.'

Creative Director skipping through an advertising portfolio.

'You know your problem, Mr Hanes? Your stock portfolio is too full of companies that run like the government.'