Purse Perfectionist Pillows

'I wish they could make one that would find things in your purse.'

"I need a teeny tiny handbag so I don't have to stow away my husband's wallet, phone and reading glasses."

'I'd say your caravan's a tad overloaded, sir.'

Build Your Own Portfolio

Mrs Howell packs 200 changes of clothing for a 3-hour tour.

"Let's see, I make it four suitcases, a rolling bag, and a tote bag... You sure that's enough for our two day trip?"

Fragile stamper.

"Honey, can you read through our list and let me know if I forgot anything?"

"It turns out you can 'take it with you' if you pack correctly."

Surreal ale

'You reached the Nervous Investor Fund's Hotline. The per share value is now 19.05, now 18.91, now...'

'Actually, they're a hybrid. They are a blue-chip, common stock.'

'Wake up! You should be worrying about our investments!'

"Constant vigilance, regular trimming."

'Y'know, this wouldn't keep happening if you learned to load your pack properly.'

"You're pretty optimistic about this new investment strategy of your's, aren't you?"

"Why not pay someone to clean out the gutters?" "Total waste of good beer money." And just like that, Gail became a widow.

'Find out if that was a computer glitch or a market glitch?'

'I think you might've over-packed. We'll only be gone for an hour.'

'After looking over your portfolio, I don't think 'enough' will be enough.'

'No, your stock didn't split. The fact it's worth half of what it was yesterday is just an amazing coincidence.'

Quality Contorl.

'If you're so smart, why don't you have some Index Funds in your portfolio.'

"But everything seems so neat and orderly we'd never guess that your lives are falling apart."

Patient to Doctor: 'This may hurt a little.'

"I'm not overpacked... I'm prepared!"

Excess Baggage: Many couples pack for trips in totally different ways.

Ventriloquist's fete

'You know your problem, Mr Hanes? Your stock portfolio is too full of companies that run like the government.'

Certificate for 98.4% accurasy.