Pocket Perfectionists Pillows

Kangaroo Pocket

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

Build Your Own Portfolio

Bullseye!

'You reached the Nervous Investor Fund's Hotline. The per share value is now 19.05, now 18.91, now...'

'I told you, you were missing a decimal point.'

"Constant vigilance, regular trimming."

'Actually, they're a hybrid. They are a blue-chip, common stock.'

'Wake up! You should be worrying about our investments!'

'We're almost 1/8th of the way there.'

"You're pretty optimistic about this new investment strategy of your's, aren't you?"

"Why not pay someone to clean out the gutters?" "Total waste of good beer money." And just like that, Gail became a widow.

'Find out if that was a computer glitch or a market glitch?'

Cuts, Measurements, Certain, Sloppy

'No, your stock didn't split. The fact it's worth half of what it was yesterday is just an amazing coincidence.'

A man with a pocket handkerchief encounters a kangaroo with a pocket handkerchief.

'After looking over your portfolio, I don't think 'enough' will be enough.'

'If you're so smart, why don't you have some Index Funds in your portfolio.'

A tailor measuring a jacket.

"I need a teeny tiny handbag so I don't have to stow away my husband's wallet, phone and reading glasses."

'You know your problem, Mr Hanes? Your stock portfolio is too full of companies that run like the government.'

Investments: Getting In Touch With Your Inner Greed

'Oh Cynthia, I must tell you. I just found the cutest little mutual fund...'

A conductor practising in front of a mirror.

"You didn't iron the crease in my pants!! I'm gonna look ridiculous!!"

"Turns out that 'sleeper stock' I sold you was actually in a coma."

The first marsupial.

Caution Fragile

Ace Investments: Thanks for Not Asking My Net Worth.

'We ran your portfolio through the Bull-O-Meter and it showed excellent growth potential. . .'

'He micromanages all our trades.'

Hip Pocket Editions

'I hope it's important, he hates being interrupted during his trombone practice.'