Penny Perfectionist Pillows

"Well, the books balance - assets, and liabilities match to the penny."

"We were able to retire 6 years early by canceling cable & eliminating anything fun."

Bullseye!

Surreal ale

'I told you, you were missing a decimal point.'

"Why not pay someone to clean out the gutters?" "Total waste of good beer money." And just like that, Gail became a widow.

"Years of penny-pinching really paid off. The price of copper just went up again."

Martin hated dining alone – but loved the savings.

Cuts, Measurements, Certain, Sloppy

Quality Contorl.

A tailor measuring a jacket.

'I'm at that awkward age when I can't read my own handwriting. Do they teach penmanship in college?'

"I need a teeny tiny handbag so I don't have to stow away my husband's wallet, phone and reading glasses."

"I think the idea behind coin collecting is to get one of each kind, not all of the same kind!"

"You'll come? Great." "The Hendersons will be too." "We'll kill them at poker." "Phil and Edna, planning a murder for later that night."

Ventriloquist's fete

Certificate for 98.4% accurasy.

A conductor practising in front of a mirror.

Quill

'Dad, I decided not to get a tattoo in the end. Like you, I got a piercing, instead.'

"They were apparently more advanced than we thought."

'I hope it's important, he hates being interrupted during his trombone practice.'

Mount Everest.

Kangaroo Pocket

'To err is human, but that's no excuse.'

Writing

"Is that a fixed-rate scowl or is it adjustable to the current interest rate?"

'Thank you. It took me a long time, but I built it to scale.'

'Fountain pen'

'Careful, I went absolutely mad and polished everything.'

Cellist having a shower

'Just a bit more, mother - then you can go bowling.'

"Bob is constantly starting things he doesn't finish."