Pin Perfectionist Pillows

'Just a bit more, mother - then you can go bowling.'

"You're lost. This is Mom's apple pie."

Bullseye!

We're going on a first date. So many words are misused every day. Literally! I don't accept the use of imperfect language. Me either. Trying to fight it has no effect. It's all a mute point. Irregardless, I could care less. I had nothing farther to say.

Surreal ale

Husband bakes a pie

'I told you, you were missing a decimal point.'

'Eat the grass in perfect circles. It drives them crazy.'

'I'm sorry but my little boy, Jack, ruined them all today.'

Bowling ball van driving into bowling pin factory.

"Why not pay someone to clean out the gutters?" "Total waste of good beer money." And just like that, Gail became a widow.

"....and some apple pie for dessert...oh miss, remember that a la mode!"

'Linda thought her apple pie would be safe...'

'Here ya' go, sweetie. Our Key Lime Pie.'

Cuts, Measurements, Certain, Sloppy

"Being happy with one's work is the kiss of death."

Quality Contorl.

A tailor measuring a jacket.

'I'm at that awkward age when I can't read my own handwriting. Do they teach penmanship in college?'

If you want to spend more time with your family, fill out a job application like the rest of us!'

"I've been asked to dance on the head of a pin" "Yeah, you and an infinite number of others."

Ventriloquist's fete

"You'll come? Great." "The Hendersons will be too." "We'll kill them at poker." "Phil and Edna, planning a murder for later that night."

Certificate for 98.4% accurasy.

Ballet shoes balancing on a telephone wire

'This course is a great ego builder.'

Welcome to my cellar!

Quill

"They were apparently more advanced than we thought."

'Dad, I decided not to get a tattoo in the end. Like you, I got a piercing, instead.'

Dutch Apple Core Pie .

Pie

'You always go that extra mile, don't you Molly.'

'Exactly what is wrong with the pie? I'll have you know I paid a lot of money for that bush meat at the corner shop.'

Mount Everest.